Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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