Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
