One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
whose ass print is on the piano?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
