Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
