k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
