i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
