I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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