Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Randomize
