oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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