his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
