I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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