why didn't you poke me back
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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