In the future we'll all be gay
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
