I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
