i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
