Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize