Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
