My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
