: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
