So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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