where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize