I like my sex mixed with concussions.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
