I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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