is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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