He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
