i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
