from now on my penis is your penis
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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