i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize