This dress was meant to end up on your floor
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
