There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i think my cat just said my name.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
