somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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