we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
