So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
