I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
