he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
