so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My orgasm happened in two different decades
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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