I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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