Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
