So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
