Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
