Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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