She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
