First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
