I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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