i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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