So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
