That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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