i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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