have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
