whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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