I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
