And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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