I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize