if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
