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There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize