Having a random hookup so left but love u
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
