the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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