He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
