The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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