Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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