I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
