i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The best revenge is premature balding
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
