wrigley field is MILF paradise
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize