i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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