I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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