apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
