Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
