Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
