I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
