I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
