Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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