Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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