I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
