Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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