I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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