That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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