just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
