If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
