3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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