you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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