last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
