Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
