people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
