Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
