Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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