someone get that fucking seahorse.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
ugly people sure do ruin things
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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