I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
