loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
