yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
