mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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