I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
