Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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