Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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