Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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