My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's blow job season.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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