I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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