in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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