Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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