office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
